The Onion Acquires Infowars: Satire Meets Conspiracy

A Twist of Fake News: The Onion Takes Over Infowars

In a development that's set to unleash a wave of waggish delight, The Onion, a satirical publication recognized for its dauntless humor, has grabbed hold of Infowars, a website previously infamous for its perpetration of often fake conspiracy theories. The Onion revealed their takeover of the disreputable site in a hilariously no-nonsense press statement, proclaiming their intent to replace the existent flood of deceptive ploys, originally intended to encourage nutritional supplement sales, with their brand of humor for good post the relaunch in January 2025.

From Conspiracy Theories to Comedic Relief

Costing the infamous Alex Jones over a billion dollars in legal damages, and even bankruptcy, the ill-famed Sandy Hook Elementary School mockery was the straw that broke the camel's back. The Onion secured Infowars' assets, buoyed by the backing of the grief-stricken families from Sandy Hook, Connecticut, who have resoundingly won a legal battle against Jones for peddling falsehoods related to the devastating 2012 shooting incident that unfolded in their local school. The Onion's acquisition was a direct outcome of a judicial go-ahead for the liquidation of Jones's assets via auctions, which included the notorious Infowars.

Jones' Surrender and The Onion's Roaring Comeback

In a drastic turn of events, Alex Jones conceded defeat in an online video post, announcing that his counsel had met with the US Trustee overseeing his bankruptcy proceedings. Despite lacking a court order, the bankruptcy was slated to be executed, with The Onion swooping in for the buy. According to Jones, the Connecticut Democrats, swinging in tow with The Onion, took ownership.

The Onion, having recently transitioned to new ownership, has skillfully kept wrap over the amount paid to take reign of Infowars' kingdom. Additionally, the outlet has brokered a multi-year advertising partnership with an influential advocacy group, Everytown for Gun Safety. Ben Collins, The Onion's CEO, has voiced his ambitious plans to transform Infowars into a "very funny, very stupid website" on Bluesky, involving the gifted humorists from The Onion and Clickhole's "hall of fame". So, with the new year, brace yourself for an Infowars brimming with infectious humor and satirical intelligence, staying true to The Onion's outrageous identity.